Talk:Veterans of Foreign Wars: Difference between revisions
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imported>Dan Thelen |
imported>Paul Wormer m (2 typos) |
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==First (instructor) | ==First (instructor) evaluation comments== | ||
Hi Adam, | Hi Adam, | ||
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[[User:Shamira Gelbman|Shamira Gelbman]] 01:33, 5 October 2009 (UTC) | [[User:Shamira Gelbman|Shamira Gelbman]] 01:33, 5 October 2009 (UTC) | ||
==Second (peer) | ==Second (peer) evaluation comments== | ||
-There is a lot of good information here, but some of the sections and subsections seem to only have a sentence or two written about them. I would try and add some more information on some of the smaller sections, if possible. | -There is a lot of good information here, but some of the sections and subsections seem to only have a sentence or two written about them. I would try and add some more information on some of the smaller sections, if possible. | ||
-There are some interesting controversies that the VFW is current, such as the Salazar v. Buono Supreme Court Case, that might be worth noting. | -There are some interesting controversies that the VFW is current, such as the Salazar v. Buono Supreme Court Case, that might be worth noting. | ||
-There might be some additional formatting that could be done, mainly moving some sections into others. However, aside from that this seems like a very good article with some very good information. | -There might be some additional formatting that could be done, mainly moving some sections into others. However, aside from that this seems like a very good article with some very good information. | ||
Latest revision as of 03:45, 5 November 2009
First (instructor) evaluation comments
Hi Adam,
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft:
- The intro is serviceable, though a bit terse. You might consider fleshing it out a bit more.
- Of the sections you've been working on so far, the "History" section is probably the one that would benefit most from much more elaboration. You might do more to set the context of the organization's founding for your readers, and then create additional subsections to chronicle its development after 1914.
- It might make sense to make the "Membership" section a subsection of "Organizational structure."
- The "Current Objectives and Activities" section is organized well; the next step would be to elaborate more on each subsection. For example, what is the VFW actually doing to "support actions taken against countries which support and protect any terrorist groups"? Why is there a need for a new GI Bill and what is the VFW doing to secure its passage?
- Which individuals currently fill the leadership positions you identify in the "Organizational Structure" section?
- You might elaborate a little bit on the significance of the various pieces of legislation listed in the "Achievements" section. Also, while there's good reason to focus on the more recent ones, you might consider highlighting some of the most consequential earlier achievements.
- Throughout the entry, you might place double square brackets (i.e. [[ ]] ) around key terms to create links to other Citizendium articles. For example, Spanish-American War.
- Finally, make sure to fill in the final section on the main page and the various required subpages.
Shamira Gelbman 01:33, 5 October 2009 (UTC)
Second (peer) evaluation comments
-There is a lot of good information here, but some of the sections and subsections seem to only have a sentence or two written about them. I would try and add some more information on some of the smaller sections, if possible. -There are some interesting controversies that the VFW is current, such as the Salazar v. Buono Supreme Court Case, that might be worth noting. -There might be some additional formatting that could be done, mainly moving some sections into others. However, aside from that this seems like a very good article with some very good information.