Talk:Sierra Club: Difference between revisions
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imported>Ryan Lippe (New page: {{subpages}}) |
imported>Shamira Gelbman (first evaluation comments) |
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==First (instructor) evaluation comments== | |||
Hi Ryan, | |||
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already begun developing; keep in mind, though, that you still need to fill in the others as well as the various required subpages. | |||
* Rather than lump all of the Sierra Club's history into the "Founding" subsection, you might create several additional subsections within the "History" section to help organize your account of the organization's development since the 1890s. | |||
* You might elaborate much more on the "History" section to provide your readers with a richer sense of the historical context in which the Sierra Club was founded and changed over time. As it stands now, the section leaves many questions unanswered: What motivated Muir to found the organization in the first place? How did he go about founding it? Why and how did it spread from California to the rest of the US after the first 60 years? Why did the Sierra Nevada mountain chain need intervention to ensure its preservation? etc. etc. | |||
* The "Current objectives and activities" section reads a bit like a disjointed list of initiatives; it would be far preferable to have brief but satisfying explanations, perhaps with a paragraph or subsection devoted to each one. | |||
* The "Organizational structure" section is also very choppy. You might want to work on elaborating a bit more and making the writing more cohesive. | |||
* I'm noticing many small typos as I read; it would be a good idea to proofread carefully as you continue working on the entry. | |||
[[User:Shamira Gelbman|Shamira Gelbman]] 01:59, 5 October 2009 (UTC) | |||
==Second (peer) evaluation comments== | |||
Revision as of 19:59, 4 October 2009
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| Metadata here |
First (instructor) evaluation comments
Hi Ryan,
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already begun developing; keep in mind, though, that you still need to fill in the others as well as the various required subpages.
- Rather than lump all of the Sierra Club's history into the "Founding" subsection, you might create several additional subsections within the "History" section to help organize your account of the organization's development since the 1890s.
- You might elaborate much more on the "History" section to provide your readers with a richer sense of the historical context in which the Sierra Club was founded and changed over time. As it stands now, the section leaves many questions unanswered: What motivated Muir to found the organization in the first place? How did he go about founding it? Why and how did it spread from California to the rest of the US after the first 60 years? Why did the Sierra Nevada mountain chain need intervention to ensure its preservation? etc. etc.
- The "Current objectives and activities" section reads a bit like a disjointed list of initiatives; it would be far preferable to have brief but satisfying explanations, perhaps with a paragraph or subsection devoted to each one.
- The "Organizational structure" section is also very choppy. You might want to work on elaborating a bit more and making the writing more cohesive.
- I'm noticing many small typos as I read; it would be a good idea to proofread carefully as you continue working on the entry.
Shamira Gelbman 01:59, 5 October 2009 (UTC)